நீட்டித்த வேலை நேரம் நமது நாட்டிற்கு நல்லதல்ல

கல்யாணமாலை நிகழ்சிகளில் பங்குகொண்ட பலரும் என்னிடம் பகிர்ந்துகொண்ட மற்றும் எனது மனதை வெகுநாட்களாக உறுத்திக் கொண்டிருக்கும் விஷயம் இந்தியாவில் மாறிவரும் வேலை நேரம். உலகத்தில் உள்ள பல நாடுகளில் வேலை நேரம் என்பது ஒரு குறிப்பிட்ட  அளவில் நிர்ணயிக்கப் பட்டதாக இருக்கும்போது அவ்வாறு இருந்த இந்தியாவில் அது வேகமாக மாறி வருவது மிகப்பெரிய தாக்கத்தை ஏற்படுத்தியுள்ளது. இதனை எவ்வளவு பேர் அறிந்துள்ளனர் என்பது ஒரு கேள்விகுறி. உலக நாடுகளிடையே சிறப்பாக  குடும்ப அமைப்பை சார்ந்து இயங்கும் பொருளாதார அமைப்பைக்கொண்ட இந்தியாவில் அந்த நிலைமை மாறி குடும்ப அமைப்புகள் சிதையும் ஒரு நிலையினை இந்த மாறிவரும் வேலை நேரம் ஏற்படுத்திவருகிறது என்பது ஒரு கசப்பான உண்மை.

வேலை நேரத்தை ஒரே சீராக வைத்துக்கொண்டு, வேலை செய்பவன் களைத்துவிடாமல் வேலை வாங்கி அவன் தனது குடும்பத்திற்கும் போதுமான அளவு நேரம் ஒதுக்க உதவி செய்யகூடிய அமைப்பு நமது நாட்டில் ஏற்கனவே உள்ளது. ஆனால் இப்போது வேலை நேரத்தில் எந்தவிதமான கட்டுப்படும் இல்லாமல் மாறிவரும் இந்த நிலைமை கூடிய விரைவில் மனித மனங்களை சிதைத்து குடும்ப உறுப்பினர்களிடையே மிகப்பெரிய அமைதி இன்மையை ஏற்படுத்தும் என்பதுதான் ஒரு வருத்தமான நிகழ்வு.

தற்போது இந்தியாவில் மத்திய, மாநில அரசு அலுவலகங்கள், பொதுத்துறை அலுவகங்கள் மற்றும் அரசாங்க வங்கிகள் தவிர மீதி இடங்களில் இந்த குறிப்பிட்ட நேரம் வேலைசெய்வது  என்பது அனேகமாக இல்லாமல் போய்விட்டது. இந்த மாற்றம்  பி.பி.ஓ. என்று சொல்லப்படும் கால்சென்டர் வேலைகள், சாப்ட்வேர் எக்ஸ்போர்ட்ஸ் என இந்தியாவிற்கு அந்நிய சிலவானி அள்ளித்தரும் வேலைகளல்தான் ஏற்பட்டது என்பது ஒருபுறம் இருக்க அதையை  சாக்காக வைத்துக்கொண்டு மற்ற அலுவகங்களும் தங்கள் வேலை நேரத்தை மாற்றிவிட்டது நிச்சயமாக ஒரு நியாயமான மாறுதல் இல்லை.

இங்கு முதன் முதலில் 1923ல்  கொண்டுவரப்பட்ட பெண்களுக்கான ‘மகளிர் இழப்பீடு சட்டத்தில்’ தொடங்கி 1970ல் வந்த ‘ஒப்பந்த தொழிலாளர் சட்டம்’ வரை பலவேறு சட்டங்கள் தொழிலாளர் நலனுக்காக கொண்டுவரப்பட்டுள்ளன. ஆனால் உலகமயமாக்கல், தாரளமயமக்கல் என்ற மாறுதலுக்கு ஏற்ப இந்த சட்டங்களில் எந்தவித மாறுதலும் இதுவரை செய்யப்படவில்லை. இதையே உலகவங்கியும் தனது 2008 ஆண்டு அறிக்கையில் ‘உலகிலேயே மிகவும் சிக்கலான மற்றும் தொழிலாளர்களை மட்டுமே  கட்டுபடுத்தும் சட்டங்களை இந்தியா இன்னமும் மாற்றாமல் வைத்துள்ளது’ என்று கூறியுள்ளது. இது மிகவும் வருத்தத்தை தரக்கூடிய விஷயம்.

லாபம் ஒன்றையே குறிக்கோளாகக் கொண்டு செயல்படும் நிர்வாகியோ அல்லது மிகக்குறுகிய காலத்தில் அதிக அளவில் பணம் சம்பாதிக்க முயலும் தொழிலாளியோ இதற்கு இரையாவது நிச்சயம். இதில் ஒரு நிர்வாகத்தின் லாபம் பல தனி மனிதர்களுக்கு அழிவை ஏற்படுத்துகிறது. ஓட்டிற்காக மட்டும் அல்லாமல் ஒட்டுமொத்தமாக அணைத்து தரப்பினரையும் அழைத்து பேசி இந்த விளைவுகளுக்கு ஒரு முடிவு ஏற்பட அரசாங்கம் அக்கறையும் முயற்சியும் எடுத்துக்கொள்ளவேண்டும்.

மேலும் அதிக நேரத்தை அலவலகத்தில் கழிப்பது என்ற நிலைமை அவ்வாறு வேலை செய்பவர்களால் வாழ்க்கைதனை அனுபவிக்க முடியாமல் போகிறது. சம்பாதித்த பணத்தின் மகிழ்சிதனை அனுபவிக்காமல், கட்டிய வீட்டில் குதூகலம் இல்லாமல் வாழும் அர்த்தமில்லாத வாழ்க்கை   பெற்றோர், மனைவி மற்றும் குழந்தைகள் என்று மூன்று தலைமுறையினரிடமும் தாக்கத்தை ஏற்படுத்துகிறது. இது மூளை அயர்ச்சி, இளவயது இரத்த அழுத்தம், சக்கரை நோய் ஆகிய வியாதிகளை சீக்கிரமே வரவழைக்கிறது.

நிச்சயமாக இப்போது உள்ள நிலையில் தொழிற்ச்  சங்கங்களாலோ அல்லது தொழிளார்களாலோ இந்த நிலைமைதனை சரி செய்ய முடியாது. இது மேலும் விபரீத விளைவுகளைத்தான் ஏற்படுத்தும். கண்கெட்டபின் சூரிய நமஸ்காரம் என்பது பழமொழி ஆனால்  prevention is better than cure என்பது நடைமுறைக்கான நல்ல வார்த்தை.

நான் அறிந்தவரை இதில் அரசாங்கம் தலையிட்டு, மனிதவள மேம்பாட்டுத்துறை இதனை முக்கிய பணியாக ஏற்று செயல்பட ஆணையிட வேண்டும். நாடு முழுவதும் எந்த வேலையாக இருந்தாலும் அது பத்துமணி நேரத்தை தாண்டாமல் இருக்க ஆவன செய்ய வழிகாட்டுதல்கள் இருக்க வேண்டும். இதனை செய்தால் இளைய சமுதாயம் கட்டாயம் பிழைத்துக்கொள்ளும். மேலும் அது எதிர்கால சமுதாயம் நல்ல முறையில் பெற்றோரின் அன்பு, அரவணைப்பு மற்றும் வழிகாட்டுதல் பெற்று சிறந்து விளங்க வழிவகுக்கும். அரசாங்கம் இந்த சந்தர்பத்தை பயன்படுத்தி இந்த நல்ல காரியத்தை செய்யாமல் விட்டால் ஓட்டுமொத்த இந்திய சமுதாயத்தை சீரழித்த பழிக்கு ஆளாகும் என்பது உண்மை.

Role of parents in the marriage of their Children

My professional role in Kalyanamalai SUN TV show as well as my managing the activities of Athithi a wedding planning company has given me more opportunities to mingle with a number of elderly people. Most of them being parents used to share their worries related to the marriage of their son or daughter with me, to seek my advice and to find solace.

One such discussion I had with a parent recently has put me off ground and made me sad. I thought that sharing of such an experience here, will caution the parents to clearly understand their role as parents. Further, it will help them to know how they unknowingly harm their children thinking that they are doing the best for them.

I know Ajay and Anuradha for a number of years. Ajay is elder to me by a few years. We met during one of the marriages conducted by Athithi. He and Anuradha have become close to my family too. Both of them are well qualified and jointly running an export business and a software company. The efficiently run companies are keeping them engaged and bringing them good profits.

Their only son Bharath is an exceptionally brilliant boy. After joining IIT Bombay by scoring a top rank, he finished his B.Tech and M.Tech at Mumbai. He latter joined Stanford University at Stanford California, USA and completed his Ph.D. A top ranking Fortune 500 MNC in the USA took him for a higher position without hesitation.

Ajay and Anu have initiated the marriage proposal to Bharath at the age of 28 when he just completed his Ph.D. and asked for his opinion. He firmly told them to wait for at least five more years to enable him to reach a top-level position in the company. Thinking about their son’s future, they readily agreed for his suggestion.

Ajay and Anu ventured into software exports by starting a new company and became further busy. The right type business and the good clients allowed them to taste the success too soon and made them frequent fliers between continents. They visited Bharath a number of times and went other places in the USA together.

The success in the new business and their old export firm has made them very busy. They conveniently forgot about the marriage of Bharath. They failed to ask his consent at the end of five years, and Bharath also has forgotten it. He was 36 when they asked him again. By the time, he had left the earlier company and joined a new company with almost double the compensation and further perks. He asked his parents to wait for a year to which they reluctantly agreed. Bharath’s engagement in the new company kept him away at Australia for over a year. Finally he agreed to the marriage when he was 39 years old.

Bharath and his parents failed to notice the changes brought in by the nature on him due to his incessant travels, stress, parties and age. They failed to understand that he is no more attractive and youthful to have demand in the matrimonial circles. He has become chubby, puffy with rounds of black spots under his eyes. It shocked them when they faced the stark reality and understood that their money will never get Bharath a pleasing and beautiful girl as wife. In fact, they received very few matches of girls that too above the age of 35 having a similar old look due to stress and age. Bharath was disappointed, lost his cool and showed his anger on them.

Ajay and Anu came to my office along with Bharath and met me seeking my suggestion. When I asked Bharath how you are? He did not hesitate to share his pain. He said ‘uncle my parents have failed in their role to get me married’. He added that in their pursuit for a new business, they failed to push me and compel me to marry. In fact, they took my refusals as convenient excuses to promote their business substantially. Being married at the right age had my parents warned me correctly about the problems that I may face if I opt to marry at a relatively old age, I would have readily agreed to them earlier. However, they were more concerned about their business and personal growth. Ajay and Anu remained speechless all through the conversation and did not utter a word.

I find that the numbers of such instances are steadily growing and it pains me. Similarly, a number of girls who have studied Ph.D. are continuing further by postponing their marriage. They also suffer similar problems in finding a suitable match when they become ready for marriage.

I conclude that the present-day parents have increased level of responsibilities. They must not only help their son or daughter in their marriage but also help them to get married at the right age by explaining the problems of a late marriage.

More people especially the younger generation believe in the blessings of God

I find that presently increased numbers of younger people are having belief and faith in god. You can no longer brush aside the statement branding it false and vague. As a staunch believer in god and a beneficiary of his blessings, this change gives me immense pleasure. General public who knew me in person will also know that I will not make such a sweeping statement without a valid proof.

Before elaborating my statement I want to share my mind and make a request. This request is not directed towards those known hardcore atheists. It is only for those who have lost belief in god due to their own individual reasons. I may even call it a temporary loss of faith. Such agonized people starts sharing and spreading their disbelief in god and create sizable damage in the beliefs of the society. Fortunately after some time most of them gain back their belief on self realization. The sad fact is that the substantial damage or mind pollution caused by them during the short period to the established ethics of the society becomes irreversible. I would request them to be conscious about the repercussions of their act on the society. Let them be aware that it will take generations to develop such good ethics and beliefs and their depraved acts will only cause irreparable damage to the society

In India to whatever be the state, city or village I go, I always make it a point to go to the local temple for praying and to meet the people coming over there. When I am at Chennai, I will go to Kapaleeswarar Temple at Mylapore at least once a week. This I am doing for the past several years. While, my primary interest of going to the temples is to offer my prayers, after completing it I always make it a point move around to study the people coming to the temple and even venture to talk with them.

Few years before, whenever I went to the temples, I have seen only the middle-aged (40 above) and the elderly at the temples and a least number of youngsters. I have seen most of the youngsters were not very keen in praying and playful. Currently, the trend has changed drastically. I am observing that more youngsters are going to the temples and offering their prayers sincerely than before. Lately, I also find that more youngsters offer voluntary services and taking important roles during the festivities at the local temple. The trend is not confined only to Hindu temples and I have found the change in other places of worship too.

Most of you are aware that Kalyanamalai regularly conducts ‘Vivaha Prarthana Homams and Poojas’ to help the people to conduct the marriages of their son or daughter happily without any obstacles. Kalyanamalai has started this Vivaha Prarthana program three years back. In the beginning, I have seen more elderly people over the age of 60 attending the program, praying and sitting through the poojas until the end.

However, of late, I am seeing a change in the trend. I could see more youngsters happily participating in the poojas, praying and sitting through all the rituals till the end. They also show reverence to the rituals and some of them even chant the slokas and manthras along with the priests. A number of them yet go a little further and ask questions to understand the finer details and meanings of the rituals observed.

Similarly, during my visits to some of the well-known shops that sell pooja articles, books and CDs, in Chennai, I could see more youngsters are buying pooja articles and bakthi and sloka CDS. The best part is that the change is not restricted to a particular caste or religion, and it has become universal.

I would like to conclude this blog post with a write up of Mahathma Gandhi in young India (24 April 1931), p. 274 (credit: http://en.wikiquote.org/).

It is beyond my power to induce in you a belief in God. There are certain things which are self proved and certain which are not proved at all. The existence of God is like a geometrical axiom. It may be beyond our heart grasp. I shall not talk of an intellectual grasp. Intellectual attempts are more or less failures, as a rational explanation cannot give you the faith in a living God. For it is a thing beyond the grasp of reason. It transcends reason. There are numerous phenomena from which you can reason out the existence of God, but I shall not insult your intelligence by offering you a rational explanation of that type. I would have you brush aside all rational explanations and begin with a simple childlike faith in God. If I exist, God exists. With me, it is a necessity of my being as it is with millions. They may not be able to talk about it, but from their life, you can see that it is a part of their life. I am only asking you to restore the belief that has been undermined. In order to do so, you have to unlearn a lot of literature that dazzles your intelligence and throws you off your feet. Start with the faith which is also a token of humility and an admission that we know nothing, that we are less than atoms in this universe. We are less than atoms, I say, because the atom obeys the law of its being, whereas we in the insolence of our ignorance deny the law of nature. But I have no argument to address to those who have no faith.

The Joint Family System in the Changing Scenario

By living in a joint family, I think I have the right to express my views on the advantages of a joint family system. I think the solace of living with my kith and kin that I know for years has given me a kind of mental strength to excel in my chosen path of direction.

From the first episode of Kalyanamalai – SUN TV program I have observed the parents always aspire for a bride who will take care of the family, keep the family intact and live with the family. I don’t mean to say that bride is the instrumental for the nuclear family system, but just want to emphasis on why the joint family system continue to be favoured.

I do not support the joint family system of yesteryear in its entirety. The changing trends in education and employment opportunities will make it difficult for the current generation to take-up the family profession or business any more. It may be feasible only in case of big family businesses with real big investment. Furthermore, when the newer generation opts for employment opportunities in other parts of India or at foreign locations, the scenario becomes different.

I am sure you will agree with my idea that our joint families work like a miniature model of the world in its entirety in allowing the younger generation to learn and get their training. The system allows them to perfect their interpersonal skills and enables them to learn some of the needed nuances of life such as adjustment, group working, tolerance and above all patience to listen. The joint family system permits the children to enjoy a loving, admiring and appreciating environment and bring them seamlessly into the process of learning collective responsibility and flexibility. Without going into details, I can construe that a nuclear family child misses all the opportunities and the shaping the life of a child remains in the hands of its parents.

I have found that a nuclear family child often misses the closeness of its parents. The parents in turn try to pamper the child feeling guilty of their absence. But, unlike a joint family set up, the nuclear family allows the parents to bring up their children in their own way without interference of the other family members.

One thing that worries me more is the changing trend to have a single child. The restricted pattern in the family is a result of the constraints in resources, finance and living space. This single child idea makes the nuclear family more complicated. The children often miss pleasure and pressure of peers and readily yield to an unwanted company.

I have come across a lively debate in one of the websites where the senior citizens mentioned the merits and demerits of a joint family system and their support for it. The website undertook the survey to understand the elders view on how the joint family living in the changed environment helps. Most of them have supported the unique Indian joint family system.

It did not surprise me when some of the senior citizens who are victims of the nuclear family set up and living alone opposed the joint family system. While they want to stay close with their own daughter, son and grand children, they categorically expressed their aversion against exploitation. They preferred to live alone instead of becoming an honourable servant keeping a watch over the house and looking after the grand children. Some of them have even expressed that such setup will deny them privacy and the liberty to go on any private tour or pilgrimage.

The trend is currently changing. Even those who live a nuclear family set up are looking forward to having the elders to take care of the family. I know few of them who want to give respect to their elders in managing the family while want to have the freedom of taking decisions without intrusion. This set up also enables the seniors to set their own conditions while enjoying the proximity to their grand son or daughter.

However, what attracted me most is a different kind of joint family set up that is emerging slowly. I know a few families where both the husband’s and wife’s family live together in a roomy house and both the in-laws take care of the grandchild and manage the house amicably sharing the good and bad equally. What inspired me more was their faith and belief in each other and the common interest of giving the grand child the values of life.

I wish that more people from current generation should encourage and come forward to have such a set up, which, in my opinion, while give the grandchildren the foremost of everything also gives the seniors the solace of living together and getting the optimal care.

Use of Positive Words in Kalyanamalai Program Creates Positive Faith

Like everyone else, I also believe in the effect of positive words in creating positive energy. If you want to get the real benefit of your optimistic words, then your words must originate from your heart, and it is not suffice if they come out of your mouth. When you use confidence-building words with a genial smile, you can see a visual impact the words make on the face of the person listening to such words and in your heart.

Most of you who have seen the SUN TV Kalyanamalai program on Sundays, might have heard me saying ‘just as you thought, just as you ask you will get a best varan of your liking (Neenga ninaikira mathiriye, neenga ketkiramathiriye oru nalla varan amaiyum). The positive words have infused confidence among the participants and I could see them getting it. However, I was always skeptical whether the repeating of such words in every program will cause monotony among the viewers and make us a laughing-stock.

On one of the Sundays after watching the Kalyanamalai program in the morning, I went to Kabaleeswarar Temple in the evening. I was praying for an answer about my use of words. When I was nearing the Murugan Sannidhi, suddenly I saw an old man before me. He has identified me as Kalyanamalai Mohan and enquired about my well-being. Without waiting for my reply, he blessed me and said ‘Never ever thinking of changing those positive inspiring words you use in Kalyanamalai program, because the words, you use in the program charge every viewer with more positive energy and benefits them’. Without even waiting for my reply he moved away from the place. I still remember his eyes, which reflected his feeling of gratitude. I could only conclude that the program would have benefited someone close to him.

The answer I received for the troubling quest relieved me and made my mind crystal clear.  When I looked at the Singara Velan in the Sannidhi, I saw him smiling at me. Until today, I continue to use the same words in the program and I could visibly see the result of it. Now Kalyanamalai has completed 1,60,000 marriages and still going strong.

I remembered the following verses of Bhagwat Gita which best describes the virtues of faith.

tad-buddhayas tad-atmanas
tan-nisthas tat-parayanah
gacchanty apunar-avrttim
jnana-nirdhuta-kalmasah” (Bhagwat Gita: Chapter Five verse 17)

“Sri Krishna said to Arjuna: When one’s Intelligence, Mind, Faith and refuge are all fixed in the God, then one becomes fully cleansed of misgivings through complete knowledge and thus proceeds straight on the path of liberation.”

How Kalyanamalai Started

Tamil Diaspora where ever they live will immediately recognise me as Kalyanamalai Mohan, and it brings me happiness. The SUN TV Kalyanamalai program has enabled marriage smiles to thousands of families. I still remember the mentioning of one of the well-wishers that said ‘the program is aptly named as Kalyanamalai because it fulfils the marriage aspirations of many and finally get them Kalyanamalai’. It is a true statement, and in fact; we have chosen the name only with that idea. The program is the brainchild of my brother’s wife Ms.Meera Nagarajan, who is also the Director and CEO of KM Matrimony.

I still remember the day on which we stumbled upon the idea of the program. All of us in our family (we all the three brothers live in a joint family with parents) went out for a family function and returned home in the evening. To spend our time we discussed many things, including that of attempting a new business other than the marriage contract catering which we do even today.

We were very much for starting a new TV program exclusively for women. We want that program to have everything that is close to the heart of women at home. We discussed various topics such as cookery, tailoring, matrimony and others. During the course of the discussion, Meera Nagarajan came out with an idea of starting a TV program solely for introducing prospective brides and grooms on TV. Every one of us liked the novel idea that was not tried by anyone before. We continued our discussion for several days in the same line before sorting out all the related points and giving a clear shape to the idea using more suggestions from Meera Nagarajan.

SUN TV televised the first Kalyanamalai Program in the year 2001.The program initially started as a subjective discussion among a few participating couples and moderated by an eminent personality. Though the first-of-its kind program on TV medium was well received, we were not fully satisfied with it and we want to make it more interesting.

Again, it was Meera Nagarajan, who has suggested about introducing subjective debates related to marriages and on day-to-day topics that have a bearing on everyone’s life in the program. It was her suggestion to blend such debates with that of the introducing probable brides and grooms on TV. We initially have requested ‘Director Visu’ to host the program. However, he encouraged me to host the program myself, thus I became the sheet anchor to introduce potential and brides and grooms. Meera Nagarajan took charge of the other production arrangements.

For the first-time Kalyanamalai arranged subjective debates (Patti Mandram) to coincide with the Kalyanamalai shooting days. Some of the best public speakers such as Professor Solomon Pappiah, Raja, Prof. K. Gnanasambhandan, Thenkachi Swaminathan, Dindigul Leoni and others have chaired the debates in which public participated in large numbers.The debates have identified and introduced a number of new speakers who were waiting to showcase their talent. Most of them have made it big and become full-fledged speakers today.

Until today, the interesting and valuable topics of discussion related to marriage, family and social setup are given by Meera Nagarajan. She also edits and mixes the debates with the bride or groom introduction and completes it with an apt voiceover.

Hello world!

I am V.Venkatesan, born in Tanjore District, Tamil Nadu. I am better known to you all as KalyanaMalai Mohan, the identity I have gained among the public through Kalyanamalai SUN TV programme. I moved along with my family to all the well-known towns such as Nannilam, Nagapattinam, Vazhutur in Tanjore district and finally settled in Tiruvarur. I forever love Tanjore, where every function, including the marriage is celebrated with a kind of native flavour.

I was invariably attracted and continue to get attracted to anything related to marriage. Probably, it is due to my participation and contribution in a number of marriages that took place in our joint family, relative’s family or the marriages in our village. This involvement towards marriages has prompted me to venture a marriage contract project along with the other members of my family.

During the course of offering marriage contract services, we have met a good number of parents who shared about the problems involved in fixing a marriage successfully. It was Ms.Meera Nagarajan, my brother’s wife and the Director and CEO of KM Matrimony who used a small spark during one such interaction to develop the novel theme of taking the matrimonial services through the visual medium TV.

Currently, the Kallyanamalai SUN TV program anchored by me with matrimonial introduction of prospective brides and grooms is further refined with a mix of subjective debates on issues that disturb the society in general. This popular program is presently viewed by millions of people all over the world.

I have plans to use this blog, a powerful internet medium, to share my experience and exposure related to marriage and marriage arrangements. I intend to share my views on assorted subjects in this place. Please bookmark this page and visit over here regularly